1 Peter 5:8 

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 

I was reminded of this scripture today as I read an excerpt from John Eldredge's book Waking The Dead.  "The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it." 

Our enemies know what we could be... and they fear it! How many people do we know that fight to keep us down, hold us back, remind us of every failure we ever had. Those people are too numerous to count! 

You have to accept the negativity in this world. It's not going anywhere. What we don't have to accept is the destructive ability of that negativity. It seeks to destroy us! Misery truly does love company. When we move forward, those determined to keep us down, with them I might add, fight hard to do so. 

In spiritual terms, the enemy seeks to separate us from our Father. How precious is His love, His mercy, His grace! But even in the greatness of God Himself... we are reminded to be watchful. Our weakness in this flesh will bring us down, and fast! 

Our diligence in being aware of that which desires to separate us from the great task at hand will catapult us towards our success in this life, in our goals, and in our relationship with the Father.

I've not posted for a couple of days.  I had much on my mind and in my heart concerning the fast.  I struggled in every sense of the word over the weekend.  After much consideration, prayer and counsel I have decided to end the fast.

There were several factors that played into my decision.  First, and foremost, this was a deeper commitment than I realized, and one that required so much more that simply not eating for a few weeks.  I am unable to separate myself from the demands of daily life, ministry, kids, spouse, home, etc.  The amount of rest required for something like this is amazing.  Rest is good, but I simply don't have the time at this point in my life to stop everything.  I was able to complete 14 full days, and I am okay with that.

It has become too much.

I had been contemplating this decision for the last couple of days.  I was energized by the amount of support and prayer and even eagerness people have shown in seeing me complete this.  But I did not want that to become my strength.  I did not move into this experience for the praises of man.

Was it worth it?  More than I can express in just a few paragraphs!  Will I do it again?  We'll see.  If I ever plan to do an extended fast again, I will work my schedule so I can have a good amount of down time.

I have gained much in a spiritual sense.  The more I denied my body, the more room was made for the presence of God to enter in.  There's been such a clarity in hearing His voice as I prayed and read through His word.  There have been things in my heart that have been put at ease.

A renewed focus!  A defined direction!  It sounds like a plan.  I love a good plan.

I had my first evening meal with my family in two weeks.  A simple green salad, and a bit of cheese pizza.  I nearly wept as I took the first few bites.  I became so grateful for God's provision in my life.  I thought again of the many people in this world who live with this physical feeling of hunger.  If you can do anything in this life, never let a child go hungry!  My heart becomes even heavier as I think of the many people in this world who are hungry and do not know the Lord.

May we utilized the strength and power we gain in our times of dedicating ourselves to God, and take this bread of eternal life we are served, and share it with those who hunger... that they man never hunger again!

I've been very lethargic today.  The reality is I need to be resting as much as possible, and I have been pushing myself too hard.  Lesson learned.

I've reached a very different place in this experience.  I've felt somewhat conflicted with the fact that I've been sharing this experience in a public way.  My desire is by no means to brag or elevate myself.  The physical feeling is nothing to brag about.  It's not a pleasant thing to deny my body what it needs.  Food!  My hope is to create a reference for those who follow Christ.  Each experience will most definitely be unique.  This is mine.

Spiritually, I am stepping into an arena I've never seen before.  There's a clarity that's deepening in hearing as the Father speaks.  As I continue to deny my flesh, it seems to be making more room for Him.

Today, I don't want to do this any longer.  But reading the last paragraph is a motivation to keep going.  To think that just a couple of weeks in I would have experienced such a depth makes me hunger to go even deeper.

I spent the morning in prayer and devotion.  It was beautiful indeed.  For the first time in the last eleven days, the Lord began to speak to me and reveal things to me in a very deep way.  There was none of this "I feel like the Lord is saying" stuff.  I know what He was saying.

The day was challenging in a lot of ways.  The question then remains, was I up for it?  It would be nice to go away for this time and not have to deal with the day to day issues life brings.  I realize that's not reality.  And so, I must face those challenges.

A very short entry.  The greatest part of today was the clarity I am gaining in hearing what God is saying.  There is also a deepening burden for those who either long to hear His voice, and for those who don't know Him at all.

I pray those who seek Him diligently and fervently may find him.

I'm 25% into this fast.

By the end of the day I felt as though I had crossed a threshold.  While much of my focus the last 10 days as been trying to get past the discomfort of what I am doing and fighting my mind into telling me to call it quits, I feel as though I have reached a place where those things have been made silent.

Yes, I have had a deep sense of spiritual growth over the last few days, but I cannot deny what my body and mind have been fighting.  It seems the physical importance and value of those things have begun to diminish.

I can now spend the next 30 days only focusing on the things of God.

My final thoughts of the day we're on Jesus.  We don't really know what went on during his fast.  There was no blog about his day to day experience.  I've gained a deep sense of appreciation for what he must have been going through.  He was in the wilderness.  Alone.  No comfort of a bed or climate-controlled house.  No bottled water.  No Bible to pick up at a moments notice or a journal to scribble his thoughts down.  He was alone.

I am burdened for the sense of loneliness he must have been feeling.  Though he walked this earth beyond that time up to his death, he spent so much time giving and ministering.  Yes, many showed him great love, admiration, and worship, but as people do, they forgot about him, and ultimately a majority called for his execution.

It makes me wonder if there is a place for loneliness in our lives.  Is it a place we may need to periodically come to.  When we are lonely, we look at the world in a  different way.  We examine our relationships.  We decide that once this desolate feeling ends that we will better prioritize things in our lives.

When we are alone, we realize the only thing we have is God.  This is the ultimate benefit.  We always have Him.  Our human nature and the busyness of life tend to pull us away.  A deep sense of loneliness and longing brings us back to that place of needing God.  It forces us to become intimate with the Father once again.

We may feel alone, but He is there.  Even though we may walk through these valley's of shadow and death, He is with us.

I'll take the good days when they come.  Today was one of those days.  I was unbelievably busy at the church today!  Add our mid-week activities on top of that and it makes for a long day.  I felt great by the end of the day, however.

I physically feel really good.  I am resting well and drinking lots of water.  No hunger.  I want to eat, yes, but the feeling of hunger is absent at the moment.  It's a strange feeling.

I've been encouraged by the support I've received over the last few days.  I've had many friends checking on me, and I appreciate those who have been following this blog.  With the strength of God carrying me through, and the support of my friends and family, I feel quite empowered to see this through.  Thank you.

Our lesson in children service tonight was about unity.  Particularly from 1 Corinthians 12:12-31.  I spoke of how we are all a part of the Body of Christ, and how our unique God-given roles and abilities should be used to their fullest capacities to make the body function well.  I brought it down to a kid level, of course, but the principle and point of the lesson remained the same.

I thought, when I came home, if the Body of Christ fasted - together in unity - how much more strength in unity would their be amongst our brothers and sisters.

I'm encouraged right now that my church is participating in this 40-Day experience.  All in different ways, but together, in unity, nonetheless.

I believe we will see God move in ways that we never expected, and I am eager and excited for the months ahead.

Please don't let me paint some picture that this is all just peachy.  What a great day yesterday was.  Today?  Challenge!  In every way.  I felt as though I might call it quits on this entire experience.  Enough was enough.

The battle for me is a mental one right now.

My body feels fine.  Great in fact.  No real hunger.  The energy it takes to keep my focus on this is enormous.  I feel the need to persist.  I physically am forcing myself to rest more in the evenings.

There is much that seems to be vacating who I am at this time.  A total stripping away, bit by bit.  Do I want do give up on this?  Right now, yes.  Will I?  I don't know.  I just know with God's help, I will carry on.

I called upon the Lord countless times today.  That has been my strength and my refuge.  He helped me complete this day.  I look to a new day where His mercies are new.