When I was twelve years old, my dad put my family on a bus in Los Angeles, California with a one-way ticket to Arkansas.  I wouldn't see him again for almost 25 years.

Father's day was a painful experience for me every year after that.  As if a daily knowing wasn't enough, the calendar would dictate an annual reminder of what was missing in my life.

When you don't have a father in your life, little things are missed.  I taught myself how to shave, how to fix a flat tire, and how to talk to a girl I really liked.

The most difficult of all tasks, was the day I became a father myself.  It was a difficult moment, only because of the fear inside of me.  I didn't know how to be a dad.

At twenty-four years old, I held my firstborn daughter.  In that moment, everything I knew and thought about fatherhood would change.  I looked into my little girls face and imagined what the next fifty years would be like.

In an infants eyes I could see her reach out to me as she took her first steps.  I saw her smile as she sang her nursery tunes.  I saw her walking down to receive her diploma.  I watched her grin from ear to ear as I walked her down the aisle on her wedding day.  I heard the joy in her voice as she laughed at the silliness of her own children.  All this in a moment.

I was scared that day.  I didn't know how to be a father.  Does anyone really?  I felt I had the additional burden of never having the example in my life.

I soon learned that fatherhood is a day to day, moment by moment experience.  I was just as fearful when my second child was born, but for different reasons.  I couldn't imagine how I would share the same kind of love for another child as I had for my first.  I figured that out pretty quick as well.  Plenty of love to go around.

I would be lying if I said I came out okay not having a dad around.  It was tough.  It's still tough.  I'll always have that emptiness.

What I have learned, is that even with the greatest examples around, the kind of person we become is dependent upon our choices.

I choose to be a good father.  I choose to be everything I never had to my children.  I choose to create wonderful memories.  I choose to love, and kiss, and hug my baby girls.

Somehow not having a father has made me a pretty good one.  I don't wish that on anyone.  So I would challenge every man with a child to be the best dad he can be.  The saying that "the best gift a father can give is his time" is so true.  Give it.

I dedicate this entry to my two beautiful daughters.  They have taught me how to become a father.  They have filled every void I ever had as a boy in my life.

Somedays I just look at them.  Then I smile.  I am a happy father.