When I was twelve years old, my dad put my family on a bus in Los Angeles, California with a one-way ticket to Arkansas.  I wouldn't see him again for almost 25 years.

Father's day was a painful experience for me every year after that.  As if a daily knowing wasn't enough, the calendar would dictate an annual reminder of what was missing in my life.

When you don't have a father in your life, little things are missed.  I taught myself how to shave, how to fix a flat tire, and how to talk to a girl I really liked.

The most difficult of all tasks, was the day I became a father myself.  It was a difficult moment, only because of the fear inside of me.  I didn't know how to be a dad.

At twenty-four years old, I held my firstborn daughter.  In that moment, everything I knew and thought about fatherhood would change.  I looked into my little girls face and imagined what the next fifty years would be like.

In an infants eyes I could see her reach out to me as she took her first steps.  I saw her smile as she sang her nursery tunes.  I saw her walking down to receive her diploma.  I watched her grin from ear to ear as I walked her down the aisle on her wedding day.  I heard the joy in her voice as she laughed at the silliness of her own children.  All this in a moment.

I was scared that day.  I didn't know how to be a father.  Does anyone really?  I felt I had the additional burden of never having the example in my life.

I soon learned that fatherhood is a day to day, moment by moment experience.  I was just as fearful when my second child was born, but for different reasons.  I couldn't imagine how I would share the same kind of love for another child as I had for my first.  I figured that out pretty quick as well.  Plenty of love to go around.

I would be lying if I said I came out okay not having a dad around.  It was tough.  It's still tough.  I'll always have that emptiness.

What I have learned, is that even with the greatest examples around, the kind of person we become is dependent upon our choices.

I choose to be a good father.  I choose to be everything I never had to my children.  I choose to create wonderful memories.  I choose to love, and kiss, and hug my baby girls.

Somehow not having a father has made me a pretty good one.  I don't wish that on anyone.  So I would challenge every man with a child to be the best dad he can be.  The saying that "the best gift a father can give is his time" is so true.  Give it.

I dedicate this entry to my two beautiful daughters.  They have taught me how to become a father.  They have filled every void I ever had as a boy in my life.

Somedays I just look at them.  Then I smile.  I am a happy father. Read More

At some point kids grow up.  At which point in life that is has yet to be defined.

My lovely wife arrived to pick my daughters up at a friends house.  My oldest had been invited by one of the kids to stay over.  My youngest felt left out.  A classic scenario.

What to do?  Ah... bribery!  It always works.  As my youngest daughter began to shed tears from her big blue eyes, my wife intervened with an option.  Ice cream!

"We've got to go baby.  If you'll come with me we'll go get some ice cream," my wife extended with great hopes.

My almost five-year old child was suddenly struck with a deep understanding of what was really happening.

I suppose new connections within her young brain were made at that moment.  Neurons, brains cells, all that great scientific stuff.  We call it gettin' smart.

I could only begin to imagine her thoughts at the moment.  "Hmmm, if I calm down and decide I don't need to go with my big sister that would be the logical thing to do.  What would be even more logical, would be to go with the latter, and receive a delightfully creamy confectionary treat as reward for agreeing to not understand that I am being duped.  Hey wait a minute.... sounds like a conspiracy to me!"

It was a that moment she with her young mind and new understanding would say, "you just want to give me ice cream so I won't go with my sister!"

Well?  It was the truth, and my wife's conspiracy was now exposed for all to see.

Looks like we better find some new tricks. Read More

I've always heard that sleep was for people who have nothing to do.  I suppose that's justification for insomniacs.  Maybe it's not that people can't sleep.  I think they just don't want to.  That would be me!

I think my internal clock is off.  I was, afterall, born and raised for the first third of my life on the West coast.  Pacific time!  Now I'm on East coast time.  Three hours later!  In any case, 2:00 a.m. seems to be my cut-off time.  If I could sleep from 2:00 a.m to 10:00 a.m., the world would be perfect.  At least my world anyway.

For now, I must give in to the demands that 6:30ish a.m. brings.  Well, my kids are out of school for the summer, so I get a couple of more winks in.  I better enjoy that for the next couple of months!

Sleep is a good thing.  I seem to catch up on the weekends.  Not sure I get more done staying up so late.  I just know I like to stay up.

There is something great about being up late.  I can study or catch up on some reading, or watch a movie or two.  I find myself planning my days or weeks ahead of schedule.  And infomercials.  Man!  Don't we all need a grout cleansing power steamer or sausage-pasta-maker-mixer-thing!  Hey, you know you thought about it.  If only I could find that credit card!

My mind goes ninety-to nothing 24/7.  I'm constantly planning.  I can't help but think about the people of the world who want to accomplish so much in the life.  We only live once.  We only have one opportunity to make our mark.  What will you do with that time?  Sleep?

Nah.  Well, maybe just a bit. Read More